bump in the road.... to bump.

People do not discuss fertility issues very often. It is hard topics. I do not have fertility issues. Well I hope not. It just has not been easy thus far. Gliches I call them not problems.

As soon as John and I were officially married on June 25th we stopped preventing pregnancy. I do not know how to answer "are you trying to have kids?" we were perfectly content either way. That changed pretty quickly. We went from being nonchalant to WANTING a child. I have always had a regular cycle and felt this would happen very quickly. Then John went to ER for heart problems in September. The medication they put him on put a damper on our plans. He had to continue on the medication until he found out he got a new job. But then something happened to me. I went an entire month without a menstrual cycle. I was slightly hopeful but part of me knew I was not pregnant. I finally called up to my doctor to ask to run a blood test. No. I was not. I was not surprised. I was scared because something was off with me clearly. So I went to the doctor. I apparently have pretty significant Vitamin D deficiency so they put me on prescription vitamins. Now the vitamins are making me sick so I am just taking a multi and will begin tanning. Also, I am taking huge steps on my weight control which is a possible reason for my issues as well.

So we begin trying again with a stock full of tricks up my sleeve. It is hard for women to talk about conception problems. I do not know that I have any other than what I just discussed. I have seen fertility battles of friends and family and I hope that I do not have to go through some of the pain others have,I know very strong women who have fought for years with and without success. I just began my journey. I just want to document what i have learned from other mothers and women maybe it will help.

I will start my prenatal vitamins and evening primrose continue with a healthy vitamin rich diet and since my cycle is off I have to use ovulation kits to figure out my cycle which i hope gets back on track. Hopefully if that does occur I can use a basic calendar.

the dirty thirties...

today i was frantically looking my closet for a sweater i wear to work all the time. John had just went through last Sunday and organized all our clothes. As i was sorting through I found a dress. A dress from my favorite birthday party. It was my first birthday with John (only weeks after we started dating) all my friends threw me a suprise JERSEY SHORE themed party. We filled the top of stella blue before 1am with JUST my friends. It was magical. So I looked at this dress, then I got super sad. That dress was so small..... it wouldn't fit me now... not by a long shot. Here is a picture...

yep that dress looked cute. sigh.... another prime example of my cuteness is this, the picture the first night i met john....


I have decided I am going to get back in that damn dress by the time i turn 30! My old faithful trainer Jim taught me the skills. 2 a day workouts and WW are going to be my life until January 12th.

I weigh in tomorrow at WW for the first time. I am going to get crazy, start a running regimine, mixed with Rocky Dancing, and another daily workout I can do this. I want to average 4lbs a week. I want to be constantly moving. I will walk on breaks, walk peaches after dinner everynight and eat healthy meals.

I will turn 30 looking great again... and be healthy enough to have a baby.

wish me luck!

marriage....

So... i would like to take a minutes to discuss the 3 months of marriage. First of all nothing relationship-wise seems different. John and I are still silly goofy in love. Our first month of marriage seemed pretty normal. By early August things started getting a bit crazy. I began having these horrible dizzy spells. I had had them somewhat after the honeymoon but they got progressively worse. I was nauseated, tired, cranky, and dizzy almost everyday. I wasn't myself i was upset and uncomfortable. I made an appt with my doctor but didn't get in for a week then he sent me specialist to specialist and finally I was told i had Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. I had a procedure called and Epley done and a week later I was cured.

John and I decided around July we were going to jump right on the baby train... we were TRYING to have kids. I went on vitamins he started wearing boxers all the time.. serious stuff i know. I was CONVINCED the beginning of Sept I was pregnant. Like so certain I started getting these bursts of baby joy. I found out I was not and I got very upset. I was in a funk for a few days. The following weeks we had some pretty bad money troubles. It seemed after the wedding we couldn't catch back up. It was like a constant drowning feeling. Add in my student loans are again due, medical bills, and us not in saving mode anymore and tired of being frugal paying for wedding. MORE PRESSURE! Then John ended up in the ER with heart and breathing problems a week later. I left work in tears two times in two weeks.


So I guess things have gotten better in a week since the ER scare. John is doing better. We are moving to a house, 2 months of which we are splitting rent with my cousin who will be our roommate, we are catching up on our bills, and i asked john if we could cool the baby stuff till after i turn 30. (reason in next blog)

john and i love each other more than ever. we had our first big fight. it was over going to the movies. it was nice in a way.. made me feel like we might be (sort of) normal. we have a good future in store. I hope the next three months are bit smoother. I hope we don't see doctors for a while other than our basic check ups.

Next up: we move! BYE BYE APARTMENT!

i got married

Well, i neglected this blog for most of my engagement. but i decided to come back to share my life post engagement. which is seemlingly more calm and boring, which is why i will have time to blog, but it will not be at all interesting.

so my dress. I lost a total of 20 scale pounds before my wedding. not at all what i wanted, had i ordered my dress in one size small i would have had to alter it to fit. 2 sizes smaller it was still too small. my mother and i decided two weeks prior to the wedding to get it corseted. let me say the corset was the best touch of the dress. it was amazing.

my wedding was also suppose to be outside but it rained.. rained so much. so we had it in the art gallery of the springfield art association. it was still pretty just very crowded and not rehersed in the art association.. but still so beautiful. here is a link to the the pictures so far
wedding!

i had more fun that night than anyother night of my life. it was perfect. and there is a video soon! which i can't wait to see!

when john and i got back from mexico we decided we were both going to quit our jobs and go back to school fulltime in the fall and work part-time. i filled out my financial aid and nothing... no money for me in independent loans... (i only checked with salliemae which i have two previous school loans through) and lincoln land wouldn't have information on my loan until august so i would have to make a payment HOPING to get other loans.

so i was bummed. what am i suppose to do? i still don't know. john and i are staying at our jobs. i applied for a promotion i do not expect to get, and i am continuing to look for better paying jobs. i haven't given up on school but maybe this is the powers that be telling me... concentrate on family making and careet second. i don't know what the future stores. we might be moving to a house in december.. we might stay in our apartment if that works out.

i am however going on a new diet so when we do decide to make a family my body is ready. so it has been fun being lazy and gaining weight the past month..but its time to head back to the gym, detox my body, and start taking vitamins again. i needed a break from the stressful stuff... the stuff that consumed me for a year... but i am ready to be responsible again, figure out what the sivaks should do next.

so journey ahead, detoxing and auditioning... for rocky horror.. with my husband... eeek.

totally awesome workout scheduele

Okay real quick.. my workout scheduele starting next monday!

Monday
6:00am- Power Plunge
6:15pm- Turbo Kick

Tuesday
5:00- Training
6:15pm- Turbo Kick or Zumba at 6:00

Wednesday
6:00- Power Plunge
8pm- Workout on machine (stairs, eliptical, treadmill)


Thursday
5:00- Training
6:00pm- Turbo Kick

Friday
6:00am- Power Plunge
6:00pm- Workout with John

Saturday
Training workout/ Machine Cardio

Sunday- OFF

Food Daily Plan MWF

Before workout- Banana/Shake
After AM workout- Yogurt/ Breakfast Cliff Bar
Lunch: Soup and Salad and Fruit
Snack: Hummus and Carrots and shake
Dinner: protein carb veggies
Snack: Pudding or Fruit

NO WORKOUT in am
Egg/protein/Fruit
Lunch: Soup Salad Fruit
Snack: hummus and Carrots and shake or cottage cheese and tomato or pretzels and string cheese
Dinner: protein carb veggie (ie Chicken veggies and sweet potato)
Snack: Apple


suggestions? helpful hints? and yes i will eat soup everyday.

i have to do 90 minutes of cardio a day 2 classes would help with that. this will change in the summer because i think peaches needs to run some, she is looking a bit chunky.

for my loyal followers

Tomorrow i start detoxing. i kind of started today then i realized i had some spinach alfredo pizza in the fridge leftover from my thanksgiving weekend pigout.

i couldn't waste that. no sir.

so today i went to work without a breakfast plan.. i didn't eat till 11:30 (i wake up at 5am so by 11:30 i am STARVING) then i made a small side salad... and drank my third glass of tea... i then went pee like three times. when i got off work i thought i was going to die so imagine my own suprise when i stopped everything on my way of out shop n save to grab a banana out of my cart and inhaled most of it before i even got out to my car... then i grabbed an apple that was inhaled before i even got home.

THEN i came home and ate the pizza.

lesson: starve all day, lose will power. a real problem i've had since having this job. nothing healthy to eat then i am STARVING and will eat everything in site once my defenses are weekend.

tomorrow i will pack a banana and apple and some carrots.

i can't pack a cold or hot lunch because i am not allowed any storage place at my most horrific job.

speaking of, being good will be so much easier once i work at a place that ALLOWS to me bring in my own food. when i am given a proper break.

i can't wait to be done. he is the worst boss i have ever had. he actually trumps them all tenfold.

my life is going to be so much better in 1.5 weeks. i am happy.

work, working it, and broke as a joke

so, i am finally seeing the fruits of my labor...

we found an apartment
we are working out
we are eating right
john is home

i lost some weight....

and.. we are still broke. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


my job also really sucks all the sudden. well lets say i was warned by numerous people that my boss is crazy and mean.. but he just started being this way towards me. he also has serious issues managing his money apparently (bouncing paychecks) makes us clock out for every break we take (even by law we are to get a 15 min paid break... for eight hours.. so imagine working 16 hours on a 15 minute break), i over heard him ask my supervisor "why do you need a day off?" (he hadn't had one at the time in a month).. neither had two other employees... he yelled at me for not returning a call to work on my day off and then TOLD me i was working overtime next week (the week i am moving back to springfield) so i am on the hunt for a new job all while tourturing myself at my current job by working over time like a fool. but my overtime is the average persons normal wage. FML... i can't win... after this dream wedding happends (and it will) i am going back to school... i will have a wonderful day though followed by a vacation! and look ill look beautiful