How far is too far?

Well I already bake our bread and we make our own sauces BBQ, marinara, steak, and salsa, etc so we are going to the next step... We are going to start preserving the farmers market goods. I am going to make strawberry preserves, peaches, salsa, catsup, and fresh tomato marinara.

Tomorrow we receive our first oberweiess delivery. This is just till we find a local farm for butter.

Here are some healthy meals of the midweek. I love caesar salads so I made a chicken caesar pita and tomato soup, under 500 calories.

This week in food....

Well I must say John and I are doing great with everything. We only spent 56 in groceries this week. Most of the goodies came from the produce area of Meijer. We only needed our usual staples from the farmers market (tomatoes and basil). I started going to Johns rehearsal this week and that made things complicated as I had to eat a can of soup one night. Nothing bad in the soup but it made me feel sad. We also had a horrible experience with grass fed steaks. Gag. I'll have to research this more. Here are some highlights. I am 12lbs down. This weeks homemade bread was from fresh milled wheat bread from my old co workers stand at farmers market. It made a delicious organic honey wheat bread.

Week one

I have one week under my belt of healthy eating. I haven't taken any measurements but I feel good. Here is a breakdown of what, and why I am trying to accomplish.
1. No alcohol
2. No processed food
3. Mostly organic or local food
4. Keeping calories low by increasing fruit/vegetable consumption not by eating "light" "diet" products.
5. No sugar substitutes

Many know that I lost lots of weight before. However, I consumed lots of sugar free products and processed foods. Clearly, this was not the way for me to lose the weight.

I made a commitment to bake my own breads, go to the farmers market weekly and purchase local produce, dairy, and meat and cook or prepare my meals at home.

My back pain is getting better but still present. I want to begin walking next week.

I have been very enthusiastic and when I want something I think of a goal so much bigger than the way I look or feel.

Here is my favorite meal to make this week. Sprouted grain spinach, Black beans, fajita quesadilla with homemade guacamole and pico de gallo.

On hold.

John and I have officially put baby trying on hold for an undetermined amount of time. I clearly have been having trouble conceiving. I have been on fertility medications for four months after trying for eight months unsuccessfully. While in St Louis we talked a lot about baby plans and decided I have to get healthier before I can have the type of pregnancy and labor I want. I am very sad about this but also will appreciate a break from ovulation tests and the mood swings the fertility medication were causing.

Currently I am going through back pain and starting physical therapy soon. My vitamin D is also very low. As mentioned, I have to get healthy. Until my back pain gets under control I am focusing on diet. John and I both are giving up procsessed foods and trying to eat clean. If it is not local or organic I am not interested. Our budget has more money designated for these more expensive items, (but I have noticed they are not that much more expensive). We will also be joining the YMCA soon so I can do water aerobics (until my back is ready for other exercising).
I have been getting pretty fancy these past two days with food we got at farmers market, whole foods, and trader joes.

I am hopitoss will be ready in six months then I will go back to ovulation tests and other forms of fertility help. I also need to still call the nurse tomorrow to inform my doctor my plan.

Clomid round two....

I thought I ovulated last month I got a faint line and after weeks of seeing nothing I freaked out. I knew better, I knew dark line. But I was hopeful, too hopeful. The day my cycle started I cried, sobbed... I went to work the next day with tears in my eyes every 20 minutes. I couldn't call the doctor but I needed to with the holiday weekend so I could get my next dosage.i talked to the nurse she said Dr. G was on vacation but they would call me if he got to his messages. 20 minutes later I got a call. Dr. wanted to increase my clomid and get some levels. I also researched some other side effects I have been having which can actually prohibit the clomid from working. I have armed myself with new tools and am going in knowing the increase will make me crazier, hotter, more emotional outbursts. In other news I'm beginning a challenge to sort my clomid emotions to useful methods. I am going on a fertility diet. Hardcore till October. These hormones have to be sorted productively. More to come on this.

Romance

there is nothing that will suck the romance out of a marriage more than trouble with conception. Currently I have horrible cramping and am hunched in my bed praying this is just my body gearing up to ovulate. Last week the hot flashes returned and I was moody and full of anxiety (side effects). This week my attitude is better but every afternoon I try to hold my afternoon pee to come home and pee in a cup to check for ovulation. I haven't gotten a positive still. I am going to check daily until next cycle. Ugh. After much thinking this might be my last month on clomid if I do not get a positive ovulation. People say when you stop trying is when it happens... But they say that when you stop looking for love you find it. I was always looking for love and I will never stop trying. I just don't think clomid is working for me. I need to re analyze and try new techniques. Right now I just look at my friends daughter and know there is reasons to never give up. Besides John and i finally found a boys name we like.

clomid. a love, hate realtionship.

I read all the reviews on clomid right after Dr. G prescribed it to me. I read that it made you irritable and have hot flashes. TRUE. I was an emotional mess. And... it did not work. My friend who went on clomid got pregnant the first month she tried and is due in October. I was hopeful.. but after testing with ovulation kit for about 20 days and no positive response I figured that it was safe to say it did not work. I called and spoke with the nurse and we are trying clomid for 3 more month. Each month I have to call and check in. I was at work when I called since my Doctors have the same hours. I then went to the bathroom and cried for a minute, gained my composure and went back to work. After having a crying out burst in the middle of olive garden when a friend asked me about having kids. I decided I was going to try to be more level headed. Continue to say WHEN and not IF we have a baby. realize if it takes three years it takes three years. if it does not happen we will travel. I do not how far I can continue with fertility treatments. My first visit with Dr.G was not even covered and it was just a check up. My medication is not covered either. We are not wealthy people. I've told myself already we won't be able to see a specialist. I guess... we will just have to keep waiting.. and praying. And stay positive. We are already so blessed with so many babies around us. So many cousins, neices, nephew, friends. I will just hold them and love on them in the meantime.