return of an old friend

It is kind of disturbing the amount of time I discuss my menstrual cycle on this blog. But I am going to do it again. I haven't been blogging lately because I have felt AWFUL. Plus I am really really confused and annoyed with everything going on right now in figuring out what is wrong.

Basically the run down is I was put on Provera to make my period start. The first five days were fine, with the exception of being thirsty. I did not attribute this side effect to the medication. Day 6 (of 10 days) I started to have the worst headache and nausea. The worst part, however, was how horribly thirsty I was. I could not drink enough of anything. I was constantly peeing because I was couldn't quinch this thirst. I was miserable. Barely making it through the work day then going home and taking anything that would help with the pain in my head but being so tired I just went to sleep and woke up with it. I called my PCP they told me these all were side effects to call my OB/GYN. I called and they agreed and said to just wait till it goes away and take ibprofen and if my Doctor prescribes this again to take it at night instead. AGAIN?!? NO! But I am back in working action thinks to the devil drug and hopefully I will be in working order for a few months.

While this was going on I had been trying to figure out the status of my referall to SIU Fertility. Apparently had been approved by my insurance but the multiple times I called no one told me the correct status. To this day (a month later) I do not know if they ever called SIU, or what is going on. Did I call? I got an earload of sass from my doctors office and thats about all the info I was given.

However, with John's new job comes new insurance. Even though my current insurance approved me for much of the Fertility treatment (I finally recieved a LETTER from my insurance company), I am just going to wait till January when the new insurance kicks in or I am going to have to go back to my job's insurance which means, I will have to get started with a new OBGYN. UGH.

BUT... I am emotional as ever and John is gone all week at Rocky Tech. I even had a dream he left me. I told my mom he was leaving me and she said, "Can you blame him you have been a brat." So.. I am clearly going insane.

a very sivak fall

We are always so busy in the fall. We have lots of birthdays to celebrate and weddings to attend, basically lots of fall events to get ready for. Not to mention we throw a big to do for Johnnypants every year for his birthday as well. Every October we also finding ourselves packing...again. The past 2 years we have been moving into a new apartment or rental home. This occurs around my favorite time of year, Rocky Horror! This year we are not moving! AMEN! We are also not both involved in Rocky (just John playing Eddie and Dr.Scott). So as busy as fall is, this fall is pretty tame for me. But depending on the next several weeks that could all change.

I followed up with my doctor this week to get some tests underway to begin finding out WHY we are having trouble concieving. First test, Sonogram. While not painful only slightly akward and uncomfortable, I brought most of this on myself. I like to look up everything online. Sadly I stumbled upon an article about how a woman had this horrible experience with the internal sonogram. She went as far as stated she felt raped. I wasn't even able to answer the nurses questions I was so nervous. I kept saying weird things and was shaking I was so scared. Since I keep most of these experiences private, I did not feel the need to ask anyone how this would go. It was FINE. Unless you are socially akward like me, this is nothing.

After I completed this and my doctor reviewed he had no concerns really about what to do. He gave me a list of options. 1. Get a Tubular Xray (which does hurt by the way) 2. He would refer me to and Reproductive Endocrinologist 3. Wait Not huge decisions.. but decisions non the less. First I was all for 1. I would probably have to do this anyway might as well bite the bullet. Then after talking to some folks I went with number 3. Wait, lose more weight and keep trying without any help.

The next day at work I decided to check my chart (a benefit of working in healthcare is I can read all my medical records when I get a spare minute on the job) And I found some stuff on there that I was not informed about in our appointment. I apparently have several small cysts that are unremarkable but could be an indication of possible PCOS. HOLLA WHAT? Let the tears at my desk begin. Although PCOS is common and clearly by my sonogram if I do have it, it is not severe. I began to cry at my desk. PCOS does not = infertility. So I was encouraged to call my doctor's office and ask what this was all about.

Working for a medical office I hated it when people would call saying "I can read my chart and....." but I was about to be one of those people. But I waited. Printed off this note and reread it over and over again. Then today I was more level headed and ready to just ask. Unremarkable means nothing to be concerned about right now. So I decided while on the phone we were going to go with step 2. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know clomid is no longer an option. Dr. G can't do much more for me. I am ready to move on. I want to know if nothing else WHY?

So here goes nothing. It is serious. I have had 3 weeks of successfull dieting, and even though Fall is full of great beer and lots of celebrating.. good bye alcohol in ALL circumstances and I did something I never could do in the past I gave up caffiene. I drink herbal tea every morning. My YMCA membership card is in my purse. My matching bathing suit has been purchased. John, a reproductive endocrinologist,a and I are going to make a baby.

First Test

A week from tomorrow I begin testing for what is causing my fertility issues. Until then I began another diet to try to get my eating under control. Today started good but I've had serious insomnia so I passed out after work and then ate pizza. No more!
I'm nervous about the sonogram and the possible findings.
My back pain has improved 60% literally over night. I started working as a front desk receptionist again and got out of the phone dungeon. I think the phone room was causing me more pain than I ever knew. Now to focus on pregnancy.
My mom got me a membership to y for Christmas, and matching swimsuits. Nancy and I will be adorable.

rough patch

Things have been rough around here. I haven't had a desire to blog because I have been so upset. I also posted a guest spot on my friend ericka's blog here I don't share my blog openly, not yet anyway. But this was something Ericka asked me to do and I thought it would be a good way to let people in on what is going on. Since then more has occured. 1. My back has been causing me problems going into my hip and pelvic area. I have been on pain kills and muscle relaxers for months. I am currently in Physical Therapy twice a week. This has put me in a funk and my diet went DOWN the tubes. I am an emotional eater. I need to get this under control, and fast. 2. I looked into back pain in relationship to infertility and found endometriosis was one that showed symptoms but I just thought I would bring it up in my October appointment. Additionally, I am very late on my period and since I have been out of commission there is now way I have made a baby so this makes no sense as I have only ever been late/missed a period once (which started all my concerns). One day I was complaining to my mother about how no tests were being run in regards to my back and my doctor was just loading me with more and more drug and I could have other issues like Endometriosis. My mother informed me she and my aunt had endometriosis. I immediatly looked up more and low and behold it is very much a genetic disease. I contacted my doctor per my mothers advice... haven't heard back. and still no cycle. Now I have sinus issues and these horrible hot flashes. I just need some advice. I need something to get me in a good spirits. To add insult to it all, I was in so much pain on what was suppose to be my first day back at school I dropped all my classes because I was in such a rut. Which has me more bummed out. I try to stay positive. I try to stay strong. It is rough. I just feel old becuase my body is giving up on me and this makes me worry that I will never get my dream. I need a life coach. I join the YMCA tomorrow and I hope that helps. I guess I just need some positive vibes or prayers sent this way to get me in better spirts and hopefully find out what is wrong with all aspects of my health. I don't feel justified in being so down. I know many others who go through much more than this. I try to use their strength to get me through. I am surronded by wonderful, strong women. I have a wonderful mother and a loving husband who have done whatever they can. Just have to get through this rough patch.

john ate dinner, all gone.

It is no secret, although he will not admit it, John does not always like my cooking. I try to make John-friendly meals but I am not willing to go completly away from what I myself want. My mom made meals my dad would eat and they were less than adventerous. They were good, but meat, potato, corn or peas. I still have trouble accepting this is not how meals are to be planned out. So I try to trick John and usually fail. Convincing him that quinoa is mac and cheese. FAIL. I think my only contribution to his diet is sometimes he will eat carrots in my pot roast. Tonight I made an Amish whole chicken and mashed potatoes *all organic*. The chicken was good I wasn't sold. I think I am still suffering from the memories of Thanksgiving 2012. I got so sick that night and am never going to look at Thanksgiving the same again. Back to the chicken, John devoured it and my potatoes. I succeeded! I am such a good cook. I cut up fresh rosemary, thyme, garlic, and chives and put it in the chicken hole and some of the same herbs on top with some EVOO. I didn't know what the heck I was doing but it was tasty. Wish I could have gotten past my emotions. I also had brussel sprouts to add my green. I guess there is no resolving this situation. We will make two seperate meals or one meal with some major variations. I won't ever make a giant veggie lasagna and I beg people to let me cook eggplant parm for them so I can eat a peice, this is life. The give and take of marriage I suppose. I guess women do marry men like their fathers. I am getting good at making giant portions of meat though. here is the chicken

with fresh herbs... MMMMMMMMMM.

SO picky husband beware. You will break.

-18

I have lost 18 pounds to date in my journey to get at a healthy weight for having a child. I spent a good portion of my weekend researching the next step. As mentioned previously, my next check up with my doctor (well the NP) is in october. I know my goal weight by then and I would also like to be ready to start trying again by august or september. I think I am going to set up a plan for continuing the tests that Dr. G suggested at our intial visit. I have been avoiding some of these tests because they can be painful and insurance will not always cover them. Since I did not have luck on four cycles of clomid.. It is time to keep going and find out WHY. John is also going to have to undergo some testing so if his test show no concern on his end, it will be time to continue. All I will do until October is keep losing this weight. See where I am and then discuss options. I also try to stay positive and still say WHEN and not IF. I like looking at paint colors and names and I enjoy watching documentaries about natural child birth. I try to not get to obsessed but I have been bordering that line a lot lately. We will just see over the next few months.

kitchen staples

So friends have asked me to start posting reciepes. Well before I do that I am going to post some staples that help me get through day to day. I posted a link previously to Mama Natural's video she said change your fat... and listed a few fats. One was butter, preferably from a farm with no horemones, preservatives, addatives etc. Currently I use Oberweiss. She also mentioned coconut oil. I tried it first on bread baking(coating the pans) then i started adding it to food. I am a believer and it doesn't taste coconutty if you get the right kinds.

We recently started with oberwiess milk delievery. Nothing is going to make me feel more like Donna Reed than having a milk man. So what if my milk man comes so early I will never meet him. I know he is bringing me a milk free of horemones and preservatives. And I imagine he is wearing an all white ensemble and a cute hat. I also might not be wearing a cute frock and usually run out to the porch in my underpants and wet hair hoping my nosey neighbor isn't catching a glimpse. But it is my slice of the past and the milk is damn tasty.

While discussing milk I might add another staple in the fridge is almond milk. We mix it up with the almond milk. Sometimes we have three cartons in the fridge at once. Tonight I made omelets with unsweetened (35 calories per serving) and John prefers vanilla or chocolate. Mostly this is the liquid base of the smoothies. I'll add a couple new smoothie reciepes on sometime.

Speaking of smoothies I went into detail the benefits of kale in a previous post I also add kale as a filler to other meals. Stir fry, omelets, soups. I have this rule that every big meal has to to have a large serving of greens. Kale or Spinach mostly.

I often add kale or spinach to my newest obsession quinoa. This grain is filling and soooo much better for you then rice or pasta. I am still experimenting but here is some benefits. ■Complete protein. Quinoa contains all 9 essential amino acids that are required by the body as building blocks for muscles. ■Magnesium helps relax your muscles and blood vessels and effects blood pressure. Quinoa contains high levels of this vital nutrient. ■Fiber. Quinoa is a wonderful way to ensure that you consume valuable fiber that eases elimination and tones your colon. ■Manganese and copper. Quinoa is a good source of these minerals that act as antioxidants in your body to get rid of dangerous cancer and disease-causing substances. Right now I just cook it per the directions and add spices and the kale or spinach or instead of rice use it for my thai/stirfry dishes. I am also a fan of brown rice pasta. The benefits are not as great but it taste a heck of a lot better than whole wheat pasta and is better for you.

My quick go to dinner when John wants to eat something gross like buffalo chicken legs is throwing a chicken sausage on the grill. These are increasing in popularity and many brands are available. My favorite brands are al fresca, aidells, and meijer even has a line of them. Just make sure it is all natural and always check the ingredients. My favorite flavor are sundried tomato, spinach and mozerella, and the very best is aidells bacon pineapple. I will eat them like a hot dog (unbunned) or chop them up and sautee' with veggies. These can get pricey but at meijer there is usually a brand on sale.

BACON. John Sivak is bacon's #1 fan and in an attempt to eat out less and not buy gross lunch meat I have found a place in our home for it. John uses it for homemade pizza instead of pepperoni and we found a brand that is not full of nitrates. Nitrates are not good in pregnancy and are said to be cancer causing. Nitrates aren't completly bad. Nitrates are most abundant in vegetables but paired with vitamin c they are a-okay. But eat too much cold cuts/hot dogs/bacon you are in big trouble. We found a nitrate free natural brand of bacon. We usually have a bacon meal a week or add it sparingly to salads. DO NOT BUY THIS BRAND AT COUNTY MARKET it is over 6.00. Meijer has this brand for less than 4.00 which is pretty typical for any bacon. DO NOT eat turkey bacon it is worse for you than regular bacon.. more processed and more sodium.

This is not a big suprise but Greek Yogurt is amazing. 36% of your protein with only 120 calories? SOLD. I like to make dips (with fresh herbs like dill and cucumber dip) with it and this can be spread on a sandwich. You can do lots more than make smoothies or parfaits. Greek Yogurt is amazing. Gyros, Uncle Jesse, and now healthy yogurt.. them greeks are pretty amazing.

Support? Group.

So I have been trying not to bore people or annoy people with my pregnancy woes. It does make people uncomfortable and it is hard to understand. Have more sex, lift your legs up, have more sex.... It's not always that easy. So I went to the message boards on the bump. Posted a little post about my history. Then I explained my diet strategy..... And the attacks began.
One member told me to go to a fertility doctor Right away. Another told me that I didn't know what I was doing that this group was for people wanting to ..., then spat off gobs of abbreviations I had to look up in their extensive glossary, and an organic banana would not help me. I guess I should have known the first post I read was about how many of these women block their pregnant facebook friends.
First of all, I believe in the healing power of food and health. I would rather first go to a chiropractor and get my body adjusted or have acupuncture than go on shots or continue on clomid which made me nuts! I'm not there yet. I'm not giving up on myself and my body. I see room for improvement and if that doesn't work I'll go further, when it is time. What I need now is support. I might need someone out there to give me some advice, a hug, or just listen to me when I'm frustrated. I don't want to be a part of a woe is me, jealousy, bitter "community". I'm doing well being positive, maybe it is all those organic bananas.

A day with my hubs

My husband is doing a fab job being more natural. He has gone from 3 or more diet cokes daily to 1 this entire week. He drinks water, almond milk, and even fresh squeezed juice (picture below).
We also incorporate foods he loves more naturally. Yesterday John made an organic pizza crust and sauce. Made the best pizza ever.

We hit up the farmers market and meijer today. I was getting my yogurt and John said he wanted some honey Greek yogurt. I was baffled and full of glee. But due to a sale they were out so I made a special trip to target's grocery area and a pack was on sale there. This is amazing. Thanks goes to our friend Megan Francis for bringing strawberries and Greek honey yogurt to the last gathering. John still tries to sneak an occasional pastry into the cart but when he told me yesterday he didn't get pepperoni for his pizza because he couldn't find any without nitrates... I knew there was a new man before my eyes.

Inspiration

Why did I start this healthy diet. I prescribed to this video blog and was very inspired. I agree with her on a lot of things. I saw this particular video and felt it summed up exactly what I was already doing and she puts it better than I ever will. Mama Natural
It is great advice in short clips. Enjoy!

Setting the goal/smoothies

I made my next appt to see my obgyn. I really want to be ready to start hardcore trying after this appt. My goal is to be at wedding weight by then. I have lost 14 pounds so far by still being laid up with my back and relatively inactive.
Starting next week I will ......
Eat less cheese.. Buying this yummy organic or farm cheese is hard to stay away from.
Track calories
Walk on all my breaks
Do home workouts

The 27th we join the YMCA! I will begin morning and night exercising along with my break walks.

I am so motivated. I wasn't even this hardcore for my wedding, and I was hardcore! I guess it is because the reward is so much more than a wedding dress... It is for a family.

Food pic of day, my daily smoothie. I use organic yogurt, fruits usually vary but I try to add blueberries (they are high in antioxidants, help with brain power, proven to help with belly fat and help prevent and aid in the cure of cancer! Also they help with depression... Truely a good mood food) I also add a leafy green. The picture shows spinach but I prefer kale. (kale is said to be the healthiest of all veggies. Rich in vitamins and high in minerals such as iron and magnesium. Kale is a good source of fiber, great for heart health, and a healthy source of calcium.) Plus when added to my smoothies it is tasteless and low in calories. I've read that by emerging blueberries and kale with milk they lose some of their nutrients. Well, I use an unsweetened almond milk just for peace of mind and added protein. I also use frozen fruit so I don't have to add ice and thus a richer flavor. Yum, and since I've started with smoothies my need for coffee is less severe. Days I skip I don't even get headaches.

How far is too far?

Well I already bake our bread and we make our own sauces BBQ, marinara, steak, and salsa, etc so we are going to the next step... We are going to start preserving the farmers market goods. I am going to make strawberry preserves, peaches, salsa, catsup, and fresh tomato marinara.

Tomorrow we receive our first oberweiess delivery. This is just till we find a local farm for butter.

Here are some healthy meals of the midweek. I love caesar salads so I made a chicken caesar pita and tomato soup, under 500 calories.

This week in food....

Well I must say John and I are doing great with everything. We only spent 56 in groceries this week. Most of the goodies came from the produce area of Meijer. We only needed our usual staples from the farmers market (tomatoes and basil). I started going to Johns rehearsal this week and that made things complicated as I had to eat a can of soup one night. Nothing bad in the soup but it made me feel sad. We also had a horrible experience with grass fed steaks. Gag. I'll have to research this more. Here are some highlights. I am 12lbs down. This weeks homemade bread was from fresh milled wheat bread from my old co workers stand at farmers market. It made a delicious organic honey wheat bread.

Week one

I have one week under my belt of healthy eating. I haven't taken any measurements but I feel good. Here is a breakdown of what, and why I am trying to accomplish.
1. No alcohol
2. No processed food
3. Mostly organic or local food
4. Keeping calories low by increasing fruit/vegetable consumption not by eating "light" "diet" products.
5. No sugar substitutes

Many know that I lost lots of weight before. However, I consumed lots of sugar free products and processed foods. Clearly, this was not the way for me to lose the weight.

I made a commitment to bake my own breads, go to the farmers market weekly and purchase local produce, dairy, and meat and cook or prepare my meals at home.

My back pain is getting better but still present. I want to begin walking next week.

I have been very enthusiastic and when I want something I think of a goal so much bigger than the way I look or feel.

Here is my favorite meal to make this week. Sprouted grain spinach, Black beans, fajita quesadilla with homemade guacamole and pico de gallo.

On hold.

John and I have officially put baby trying on hold for an undetermined amount of time. I clearly have been having trouble conceiving. I have been on fertility medications for four months after trying for eight months unsuccessfully. While in St Louis we talked a lot about baby plans and decided I have to get healthier before I can have the type of pregnancy and labor I want. I am very sad about this but also will appreciate a break from ovulation tests and the mood swings the fertility medication were causing.

Currently I am going through back pain and starting physical therapy soon. My vitamin D is also very low. As mentioned, I have to get healthy. Until my back pain gets under control I am focusing on diet. John and I both are giving up procsessed foods and trying to eat clean. If it is not local or organic I am not interested. Our budget has more money designated for these more expensive items, (but I have noticed they are not that much more expensive). We will also be joining the YMCA soon so I can do water aerobics (until my back is ready for other exercising).
I have been getting pretty fancy these past two days with food we got at farmers market, whole foods, and trader joes.

I am hopitoss will be ready in six months then I will go back to ovulation tests and other forms of fertility help. I also need to still call the nurse tomorrow to inform my doctor my plan.

Clomid round two....

I thought I ovulated last month I got a faint line and after weeks of seeing nothing I freaked out. I knew better, I knew dark line. But I was hopeful, too hopeful. The day my cycle started I cried, sobbed... I went to work the next day with tears in my eyes every 20 minutes. I couldn't call the doctor but I needed to with the holiday weekend so I could get my next dosage.i talked to the nurse she said Dr. G was on vacation but they would call me if he got to his messages. 20 minutes later I got a call. Dr. wanted to increase my clomid and get some levels. I also researched some other side effects I have been having which can actually prohibit the clomid from working. I have armed myself with new tools and am going in knowing the increase will make me crazier, hotter, more emotional outbursts. In other news I'm beginning a challenge to sort my clomid emotions to useful methods. I am going on a fertility diet. Hardcore till October. These hormones have to be sorted productively. More to come on this.

Romance

there is nothing that will suck the romance out of a marriage more than trouble with conception. Currently I have horrible cramping and am hunched in my bed praying this is just my body gearing up to ovulate. Last week the hot flashes returned and I was moody and full of anxiety (side effects). This week my attitude is better but every afternoon I try to hold my afternoon pee to come home and pee in a cup to check for ovulation. I haven't gotten a positive still. I am going to check daily until next cycle. Ugh. After much thinking this might be my last month on clomid if I do not get a positive ovulation. People say when you stop trying is when it happens... But they say that when you stop looking for love you find it. I was always looking for love and I will never stop trying. I just don't think clomid is working for me. I need to re analyze and try new techniques. Right now I just look at my friends daughter and know there is reasons to never give up. Besides John and i finally found a boys name we like.

clomid. a love, hate realtionship.

I read all the reviews on clomid right after Dr. G prescribed it to me. I read that it made you irritable and have hot flashes. TRUE. I was an emotional mess. And... it did not work. My friend who went on clomid got pregnant the first month she tried and is due in October. I was hopeful.. but after testing with ovulation kit for about 20 days and no positive response I figured that it was safe to say it did not work. I called and spoke with the nurse and we are trying clomid for 3 more month. Each month I have to call and check in. I was at work when I called since my Doctors have the same hours. I then went to the bathroom and cried for a minute, gained my composure and went back to work. After having a crying out burst in the middle of olive garden when a friend asked me about having kids. I decided I was going to try to be more level headed. Continue to say WHEN and not IF we have a baby. realize if it takes three years it takes three years. if it does not happen we will travel. I do not how far I can continue with fertility treatments. My first visit with Dr.G was not even covered and it was just a check up. My medication is not covered either. We are not wealthy people. I've told myself already we won't be able to see a specialist. I guess... we will just have to keep waiting.. and praying. And stay positive. We are already so blessed with so many babies around us. So many cousins, neices, nephew, friends. I will just hold them and love on them in the meantime.

i am in love.

today was a great day in the road of trying to conceive. i met my new ob/gyn dr. gildner. aka everything i hoped he would be and more. i have never met a doctor in any specialty/practice that has been more informative, understanding, and organized in a game plan for treatment.

i am having problems. he realized this. this is especially noted since ovulation kits have not been showing that I am ovulating (despite a fairly regular cycle). which dr.g stated happens. but rather than run lots of painful tests and then trying to narrow down the cause he said we would go straight to the treatment. i am starting on fertility medication. clomid

will this increase the chances for multiples? yes. but only 5% of women on clomid have multiples.

i am still holding out hope that I got pregnant last month so i won't even start this. i did not show ovulation on a stick but I did follow a calender.

so today i am optimistic and appreciative of my friends who sent me dr.g's direction.

crossing my fingers and as the crazy women on the clomid reviews say, " best of luck and baby dust" whatever that means.

i am in.

another warning to anyone who might happen across this blog. TMI is the theme.

at my last annual I had every intention of talking to my doctor about my desire for pregnancy. maybe this isn't something that requires a great deal of chatting. but she said two things to me when i mentioned this. get some prenatal vitamins (duh), go make another annual appt, maybe i'll see you sooner.

i was disappointed. i don't know if i wanted dr.h to hug me and hold my hand and tell me step by step what i should do. okay i knew that wouldn't happen but i expected something different. and it has bugged me this entire time.
i probably should have been given some advice maybe lose some weight, here is a script for the vitamins which might be more affective than the walgreens brand i have been taking. or maybe i am looking for a finger to point.

so i followed my gut talked to my best friend and decided after 8 months of no success, i would not wait till I am pregnant to switch doctors which i had every intention of doing.

I made a phone call and expected to have to be approved but i have an appt in march to get a basic exam and discuss the game plan.

i feel hopeful.

diet diet diet

im sitting at home with a thin crust light cheese pizza. i have been wanting pizza all damn week. i have been eating well and not exercising. i had a rough day at work so i ordered said pizza. yum.

every choice i make i make in hopes of having a baby. i barely drink. i take vitamins. i eat healthy. i don't make concrete vacation plans in hopes ill be pregnant.
i eat drink sleep baby having. i have gone beyond baby fever. i have baby disease.

i really enjoyed doing fight for air climb last year. however, i did not do it this year because i did not want to sign up knowing we were trying to make baby happen. i did not think 30 flights of stairs and pregnancy mixed.

now i know i could have done it, kept training been in better shape because it did not happen.

now i have two 5ks i am considering training for. my first thought when these were presented to me was ... what if i get.... oh i've done this before.

so i am not doing it. i am signing up. i am training...

many women have gone on with their normal lives and gotten pregnant. i am going to try better at this.

here is to fun, running, and hopefully when the time is right baby makin!

bump in the road.... to bump.

People do not discuss fertility issues very often. It is hard topics. I do not have fertility issues. Well I hope not. It just has not been easy thus far. Gliches I call them not problems.

As soon as John and I were officially married on June 25th we stopped preventing pregnancy. I do not know how to answer "are you trying to have kids?" we were perfectly content either way. That changed pretty quickly. We went from being nonchalant to WANTING a child. I have always had a regular cycle and felt this would happen very quickly. Then John went to ER for heart problems in September. The medication they put him on put a damper on our plans. He had to continue on the medication until he found out he got a new job. But then something happened to me. I went an entire month without a menstrual cycle. I was slightly hopeful but part of me knew I was not pregnant. I finally called up to my doctor to ask to run a blood test. No. I was not. I was not surprised. I was scared because something was off with me clearly. So I went to the doctor. I apparently have pretty significant Vitamin D deficiency so they put me on prescription vitamins. Now the vitamins are making me sick so I am just taking a multi and will begin tanning. Also, I am taking huge steps on my weight control which is a possible reason for my issues as well.

So we begin trying again with a stock full of tricks up my sleeve. It is hard for women to talk about conception problems. I do not know that I have any other than what I just discussed. I have seen fertility battles of friends and family and I hope that I do not have to go through some of the pain others have,I know very strong women who have fought for years with and without success. I just began my journey. I just want to document what i have learned from other mothers and women maybe it will help.

I will start my prenatal vitamins and evening primrose continue with a healthy vitamin rich diet and since my cycle is off I have to use ovulation kits to figure out my cycle which i hope gets back on track. Hopefully if that does occur I can use a basic calendar.