On hold.

John and I have officially put baby trying on hold for an undetermined amount of time. I clearly have been having trouble conceiving. I have been on fertility medications for four months after trying for eight months unsuccessfully. While in St Louis we talked a lot about baby plans and decided I have to get healthier before I can have the type of pregnancy and labor I want. I am very sad about this but also will appreciate a break from ovulation tests and the mood swings the fertility medication were causing.

Currently I am going through back pain and starting physical therapy soon. My vitamin D is also very low. As mentioned, I have to get healthy. Until my back pain gets under control I am focusing on diet. John and I both are giving up procsessed foods and trying to eat clean. If it is not local or organic I am not interested. Our budget has more money designated for these more expensive items, (but I have noticed they are not that much more expensive). We will also be joining the YMCA soon so I can do water aerobics (until my back is ready for other exercising).
I have been getting pretty fancy these past two days with food we got at farmers market, whole foods, and trader joes.

I am hopitoss will be ready in six months then I will go back to ovulation tests and other forms of fertility help. I also need to still call the nurse tomorrow to inform my doctor my plan.

Clomid round two....

I thought I ovulated last month I got a faint line and after weeks of seeing nothing I freaked out. I knew better, I knew dark line. But I was hopeful, too hopeful. The day my cycle started I cried, sobbed... I went to work the next day with tears in my eyes every 20 minutes. I couldn't call the doctor but I needed to with the holiday weekend so I could get my next dosage.i talked to the nurse she said Dr. G was on vacation but they would call me if he got to his messages. 20 minutes later I got a call. Dr. wanted to increase my clomid and get some levels. I also researched some other side effects I have been having which can actually prohibit the clomid from working. I have armed myself with new tools and am going in knowing the increase will make me crazier, hotter, more emotional outbursts. In other news I'm beginning a challenge to sort my clomid emotions to useful methods. I am going on a fertility diet. Hardcore till October. These hormones have to be sorted productively. More to come on this.

Romance

there is nothing that will suck the romance out of a marriage more than trouble with conception. Currently I have horrible cramping and am hunched in my bed praying this is just my body gearing up to ovulate. Last week the hot flashes returned and I was moody and full of anxiety (side effects). This week my attitude is better but every afternoon I try to hold my afternoon pee to come home and pee in a cup to check for ovulation. I haven't gotten a positive still. I am going to check daily until next cycle. Ugh. After much thinking this might be my last month on clomid if I do not get a positive ovulation. People say when you stop trying is when it happens... But they say that when you stop looking for love you find it. I was always looking for love and I will never stop trying. I just don't think clomid is working for me. I need to re analyze and try new techniques. Right now I just look at my friends daughter and know there is reasons to never give up. Besides John and i finally found a boys name we like.

clomid. a love, hate realtionship.

I read all the reviews on clomid right after Dr. G prescribed it to me. I read that it made you irritable and have hot flashes. TRUE. I was an emotional mess. And... it did not work. My friend who went on clomid got pregnant the first month she tried and is due in October. I was hopeful.. but after testing with ovulation kit for about 20 days and no positive response I figured that it was safe to say it did not work. I called and spoke with the nurse and we are trying clomid for 3 more month. Each month I have to call and check in. I was at work when I called since my Doctors have the same hours. I then went to the bathroom and cried for a minute, gained my composure and went back to work. After having a crying out burst in the middle of olive garden when a friend asked me about having kids. I decided I was going to try to be more level headed. Continue to say WHEN and not IF we have a baby. realize if it takes three years it takes three years. if it does not happen we will travel. I do not how far I can continue with fertility treatments. My first visit with Dr.G was not even covered and it was just a check up. My medication is not covered either. We are not wealthy people. I've told myself already we won't be able to see a specialist. I guess... we will just have to keep waiting.. and praying. And stay positive. We are already so blessed with so many babies around us. So many cousins, neices, nephew, friends. I will just hold them and love on them in the meantime.

i am in love.

today was a great day in the road of trying to conceive. i met my new ob/gyn dr. gildner. aka everything i hoped he would be and more. i have never met a doctor in any specialty/practice that has been more informative, understanding, and organized in a game plan for treatment.

i am having problems. he realized this. this is especially noted since ovulation kits have not been showing that I am ovulating (despite a fairly regular cycle). which dr.g stated happens. but rather than run lots of painful tests and then trying to narrow down the cause he said we would go straight to the treatment. i am starting on fertility medication. clomid

will this increase the chances for multiples? yes. but only 5% of women on clomid have multiples.

i am still holding out hope that I got pregnant last month so i won't even start this. i did not show ovulation on a stick but I did follow a calender.

so today i am optimistic and appreciative of my friends who sent me dr.g's direction.

crossing my fingers and as the crazy women on the clomid reviews say, " best of luck and baby dust" whatever that means.

i am in.

another warning to anyone who might happen across this blog. TMI is the theme.

at my last annual I had every intention of talking to my doctor about my desire for pregnancy. maybe this isn't something that requires a great deal of chatting. but she said two things to me when i mentioned this. get some prenatal vitamins (duh), go make another annual appt, maybe i'll see you sooner.

i was disappointed. i don't know if i wanted dr.h to hug me and hold my hand and tell me step by step what i should do. okay i knew that wouldn't happen but i expected something different. and it has bugged me this entire time.
i probably should have been given some advice maybe lose some weight, here is a script for the vitamins which might be more affective than the walgreens brand i have been taking. or maybe i am looking for a finger to point.

so i followed my gut talked to my best friend and decided after 8 months of no success, i would not wait till I am pregnant to switch doctors which i had every intention of doing.

I made a phone call and expected to have to be approved but i have an appt in march to get a basic exam and discuss the game plan.

i feel hopeful.

diet diet diet

im sitting at home with a thin crust light cheese pizza. i have been wanting pizza all damn week. i have been eating well and not exercising. i had a rough day at work so i ordered said pizza. yum.

every choice i make i make in hopes of having a baby. i barely drink. i take vitamins. i eat healthy. i don't make concrete vacation plans in hopes ill be pregnant.
i eat drink sleep baby having. i have gone beyond baby fever. i have baby disease.

i really enjoyed doing fight for air climb last year. however, i did not do it this year because i did not want to sign up knowing we were trying to make baby happen. i did not think 30 flights of stairs and pregnancy mixed.

now i know i could have done it, kept training been in better shape because it did not happen.

now i have two 5ks i am considering training for. my first thought when these were presented to me was ... what if i get.... oh i've done this before.

so i am not doing it. i am signing up. i am training...

many women have gone on with their normal lives and gotten pregnant. i am going to try better at this.

here is to fun, running, and hopefully when the time is right baby makin!