i ordered THE dress

a few weeks ago i dragged john to a bridal event. At said event i got a gift card to david's bridal and they set up an appointment to look at dresses. i said from DAY 1 "i am NOT getting my dress at david's bridal.. I will support local businesses, I will not have something seen in 100 ads of 100 bridal magazines.. NO NO NO"

But i figured 1. Candices has GREAT bridesmaid dresses but they only have silk beaded wedding dresses.. so to be convient, I would look.

I looked, i tried, i found the dress of MY DREAMS.

and i ordered it.. 2 sizes smaller.

not three. two. i am a liar. and actually i ordered it in my size, but in bridal sizes.. two sizes bigger. ..

SO.. i haven't stepped up. I have stepped down. This week has been hell. i have clocked 45 hours this week and it is wednesday. I am tired, worn, out... and still very lonely.

so john returns to my life next week and we will eat right and exercise. UNTIL then i am tired, exhausted, and didn't go to PT this week because my body said NO. I spent a great deal of time in tears.. because I am so stressed out about money, apartments, being here alone...

however, in the back of my mind i know i have severe pms added with a serious case of seasonal depression the end of october till mid november.

so i am sending my trainer an email, apologizing.. but this week was my mental break. i can't quit working for a week.. but i can just give myself some time to relax and not stress about working out... bad call? possibly. but my mental health is saying TAKE A BREAK FROM ONE THING...
i have to keep looking for a new home.. i have to keep planning the wedding (by working to pay for it)... so this is what i gave up.

NOV 1, 2010. HERE GOES NOTHING.

my dress is ordered time to make it fit. and john will be next to me now.

side note: losing my father has been harder on me this year than any other. it is a terrible thing being asked "who is walking you down the aisle?" and not being able to say my dad. I think it is harder for me to deal with his death because of him not being here, meeting john..

but i have the best mom in the world... i just wish i had the complete unit here. i miss him more each day as it gets closer. Bittersweet.