a very sivak fall

We are always so busy in the fall. We have lots of birthdays to celebrate and weddings to attend, basically lots of fall events to get ready for. Not to mention we throw a big to do for Johnnypants every year for his birthday as well. Every October we also finding ourselves packing...again. The past 2 years we have been moving into a new apartment or rental home. This occurs around my favorite time of year, Rocky Horror! This year we are not moving! AMEN! We are also not both involved in Rocky (just John playing Eddie and Dr.Scott). So as busy as fall is, this fall is pretty tame for me. But depending on the next several weeks that could all change.

I followed up with my doctor this week to get some tests underway to begin finding out WHY we are having trouble concieving. First test, Sonogram. While not painful only slightly akward and uncomfortable, I brought most of this on myself. I like to look up everything online. Sadly I stumbled upon an article about how a woman had this horrible experience with the internal sonogram. She went as far as stated she felt raped. I wasn't even able to answer the nurses questions I was so nervous. I kept saying weird things and was shaking I was so scared. Since I keep most of these experiences private, I did not feel the need to ask anyone how this would go. It was FINE. Unless you are socially akward like me, this is nothing.

After I completed this and my doctor reviewed he had no concerns really about what to do. He gave me a list of options. 1. Get a Tubular Xray (which does hurt by the way) 2. He would refer me to and Reproductive Endocrinologist 3. Wait Not huge decisions.. but decisions non the less. First I was all for 1. I would probably have to do this anyway might as well bite the bullet. Then after talking to some folks I went with number 3. Wait, lose more weight and keep trying without any help.

The next day at work I decided to check my chart (a benefit of working in healthcare is I can read all my medical records when I get a spare minute on the job) And I found some stuff on there that I was not informed about in our appointment. I apparently have several small cysts that are unremarkable but could be an indication of possible PCOS. HOLLA WHAT? Let the tears at my desk begin. Although PCOS is common and clearly by my sonogram if I do have it, it is not severe. I began to cry at my desk. PCOS does not = infertility. So I was encouraged to call my doctor's office and ask what this was all about.

Working for a medical office I hated it when people would call saying "I can read my chart and....." but I was about to be one of those people. But I waited. Printed off this note and reread it over and over again. Then today I was more level headed and ready to just ask. Unremarkable means nothing to be concerned about right now. So I decided while on the phone we were going to go with step 2. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know clomid is no longer an option. Dr. G can't do much more for me. I am ready to move on. I want to know if nothing else WHY?

So here goes nothing. It is serious. I have had 3 weeks of successfull dieting, and even though Fall is full of great beer and lots of celebrating.. good bye alcohol in ALL circumstances and I did something I never could do in the past I gave up caffiene. I drink herbal tea every morning. My YMCA membership card is in my purse. My matching bathing suit has been purchased. John, a reproductive endocrinologist,a and I are going to make a baby.

First Test

A week from tomorrow I begin testing for what is causing my fertility issues. Until then I began another diet to try to get my eating under control. Today started good but I've had serious insomnia so I passed out after work and then ate pizza. No more!
I'm nervous about the sonogram and the possible findings.
My back pain has improved 60% literally over night. I started working as a front desk receptionist again and got out of the phone dungeon. I think the phone room was causing me more pain than I ever knew. Now to focus on pregnancy.
My mom got me a membership to y for Christmas, and matching swimsuits. Nancy and I will be adorable.

rough patch

Things have been rough around here. I haven't had a desire to blog because I have been so upset. I also posted a guest spot on my friend ericka's blog here I don't share my blog openly, not yet anyway. But this was something Ericka asked me to do and I thought it would be a good way to let people in on what is going on. Since then more has occured. 1. My back has been causing me problems going into my hip and pelvic area. I have been on pain kills and muscle relaxers for months. I am currently in Physical Therapy twice a week. This has put me in a funk and my diet went DOWN the tubes. I am an emotional eater. I need to get this under control, and fast. 2. I looked into back pain in relationship to infertility and found endometriosis was one that showed symptoms but I just thought I would bring it up in my October appointment. Additionally, I am very late on my period and since I have been out of commission there is now way I have made a baby so this makes no sense as I have only ever been late/missed a period once (which started all my concerns). One day I was complaining to my mother about how no tests were being run in regards to my back and my doctor was just loading me with more and more drug and I could have other issues like Endometriosis. My mother informed me she and my aunt had endometriosis. I immediatly looked up more and low and behold it is very much a genetic disease. I contacted my doctor per my mothers advice... haven't heard back. and still no cycle. Now I have sinus issues and these horrible hot flashes. I just need some advice. I need something to get me in a good spirits. To add insult to it all, I was in so much pain on what was suppose to be my first day back at school I dropped all my classes because I was in such a rut. Which has me more bummed out. I try to stay positive. I try to stay strong. It is rough. I just feel old becuase my body is giving up on me and this makes me worry that I will never get my dream. I need a life coach. I join the YMCA tomorrow and I hope that helps. I guess I just need some positive vibes or prayers sent this way to get me in better spirts and hopefully find out what is wrong with all aspects of my health. I don't feel justified in being so down. I know many others who go through much more than this. I try to use their strength to get me through. I am surronded by wonderful, strong women. I have a wonderful mother and a loving husband who have done whatever they can. Just have to get through this rough patch.