return of an old friend

It is kind of disturbing the amount of time I discuss my menstrual cycle on this blog. But I am going to do it again. I haven't been blogging lately because I have felt AWFUL. Plus I am really really confused and annoyed with everything going on right now in figuring out what is wrong.

Basically the run down is I was put on Provera to make my period start. The first five days were fine, with the exception of being thirsty. I did not attribute this side effect to the medication. Day 6 (of 10 days) I started to have the worst headache and nausea. The worst part, however, was how horribly thirsty I was. I could not drink enough of anything. I was constantly peeing because I was couldn't quinch this thirst. I was miserable. Barely making it through the work day then going home and taking anything that would help with the pain in my head but being so tired I just went to sleep and woke up with it. I called my PCP they told me these all were side effects to call my OB/GYN. I called and they agreed and said to just wait till it goes away and take ibprofen and if my Doctor prescribes this again to take it at night instead. AGAIN?!? NO! But I am back in working action thinks to the devil drug and hopefully I will be in working order for a few months.

While this was going on I had been trying to figure out the status of my referall to SIU Fertility. Apparently had been approved by my insurance but the multiple times I called no one told me the correct status. To this day (a month later) I do not know if they ever called SIU, or what is going on. Did I call? I got an earload of sass from my doctors office and thats about all the info I was given.

However, with John's new job comes new insurance. Even though my current insurance approved me for much of the Fertility treatment (I finally recieved a LETTER from my insurance company), I am just going to wait till January when the new insurance kicks in or I am going to have to go back to my job's insurance which means, I will have to get started with a new OBGYN. UGH.

BUT... I am emotional as ever and John is gone all week at Rocky Tech. I even had a dream he left me. I told my mom he was leaving me and she said, "Can you blame him you have been a brat." So.. I am clearly going insane.

a very sivak fall

We are always so busy in the fall. We have lots of birthdays to celebrate and weddings to attend, basically lots of fall events to get ready for. Not to mention we throw a big to do for Johnnypants every year for his birthday as well. Every October we also finding ourselves packing...again. The past 2 years we have been moving into a new apartment or rental home. This occurs around my favorite time of year, Rocky Horror! This year we are not moving! AMEN! We are also not both involved in Rocky (just John playing Eddie and Dr.Scott). So as busy as fall is, this fall is pretty tame for me. But depending on the next several weeks that could all change.

I followed up with my doctor this week to get some tests underway to begin finding out WHY we are having trouble concieving. First test, Sonogram. While not painful only slightly akward and uncomfortable, I brought most of this on myself. I like to look up everything online. Sadly I stumbled upon an article about how a woman had this horrible experience with the internal sonogram. She went as far as stated she felt raped. I wasn't even able to answer the nurses questions I was so nervous. I kept saying weird things and was shaking I was so scared. Since I keep most of these experiences private, I did not feel the need to ask anyone how this would go. It was FINE. Unless you are socially akward like me, this is nothing.

After I completed this and my doctor reviewed he had no concerns really about what to do. He gave me a list of options. 1. Get a Tubular Xray (which does hurt by the way) 2. He would refer me to and Reproductive Endocrinologist 3. Wait Not huge decisions.. but decisions non the less. First I was all for 1. I would probably have to do this anyway might as well bite the bullet. Then after talking to some folks I went with number 3. Wait, lose more weight and keep trying without any help.

The next day at work I decided to check my chart (a benefit of working in healthcare is I can read all my medical records when I get a spare minute on the job) And I found some stuff on there that I was not informed about in our appointment. I apparently have several small cysts that are unremarkable but could be an indication of possible PCOS. HOLLA WHAT? Let the tears at my desk begin. Although PCOS is common and clearly by my sonogram if I do have it, it is not severe. I began to cry at my desk. PCOS does not = infertility. So I was encouraged to call my doctor's office and ask what this was all about.

Working for a medical office I hated it when people would call saying "I can read my chart and....." but I was about to be one of those people. But I waited. Printed off this note and reread it over and over again. Then today I was more level headed and ready to just ask. Unremarkable means nothing to be concerned about right now. So I decided while on the phone we were going to go with step 2. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know clomid is no longer an option. Dr. G can't do much more for me. I am ready to move on. I want to know if nothing else WHY?

So here goes nothing. It is serious. I have had 3 weeks of successfull dieting, and even though Fall is full of great beer and lots of celebrating.. good bye alcohol in ALL circumstances and I did something I never could do in the past I gave up caffiene. I drink herbal tea every morning. My YMCA membership card is in my purse. My matching bathing suit has been purchased. John, a reproductive endocrinologist,a and I are going to make a baby.

First Test

A week from tomorrow I begin testing for what is causing my fertility issues. Until then I began another diet to try to get my eating under control. Today started good but I've had serious insomnia so I passed out after work and then ate pizza. No more!
I'm nervous about the sonogram and the possible findings.
My back pain has improved 60% literally over night. I started working as a front desk receptionist again and got out of the phone dungeon. I think the phone room was causing me more pain than I ever knew. Now to focus on pregnancy.
My mom got me a membership to y for Christmas, and matching swimsuits. Nancy and I will be adorable.

rough patch

Things have been rough around here. I haven't had a desire to blog because I have been so upset. I also posted a guest spot on my friend ericka's blog here I don't share my blog openly, not yet anyway. But this was something Ericka asked me to do and I thought it would be a good way to let people in on what is going on. Since then more has occured. 1. My back has been causing me problems going into my hip and pelvic area. I have been on pain kills and muscle relaxers for months. I am currently in Physical Therapy twice a week. This has put me in a funk and my diet went DOWN the tubes. I am an emotional eater. I need to get this under control, and fast. 2. I looked into back pain in relationship to infertility and found endometriosis was one that showed symptoms but I just thought I would bring it up in my October appointment. Additionally, I am very late on my period and since I have been out of commission there is now way I have made a baby so this makes no sense as I have only ever been late/missed a period once (which started all my concerns). One day I was complaining to my mother about how no tests were being run in regards to my back and my doctor was just loading me with more and more drug and I could have other issues like Endometriosis. My mother informed me she and my aunt had endometriosis. I immediatly looked up more and low and behold it is very much a genetic disease. I contacted my doctor per my mothers advice... haven't heard back. and still no cycle. Now I have sinus issues and these horrible hot flashes. I just need some advice. I need something to get me in a good spirits. To add insult to it all, I was in so much pain on what was suppose to be my first day back at school I dropped all my classes because I was in such a rut. Which has me more bummed out. I try to stay positive. I try to stay strong. It is rough. I just feel old becuase my body is giving up on me and this makes me worry that I will never get my dream. I need a life coach. I join the YMCA tomorrow and I hope that helps. I guess I just need some positive vibes or prayers sent this way to get me in better spirts and hopefully find out what is wrong with all aspects of my health. I don't feel justified in being so down. I know many others who go through much more than this. I try to use their strength to get me through. I am surronded by wonderful, strong women. I have a wonderful mother and a loving husband who have done whatever they can. Just have to get through this rough patch.

john ate dinner, all gone.

It is no secret, although he will not admit it, John does not always like my cooking. I try to make John-friendly meals but I am not willing to go completly away from what I myself want. My mom made meals my dad would eat and they were less than adventerous. They were good, but meat, potato, corn or peas. I still have trouble accepting this is not how meals are to be planned out. So I try to trick John and usually fail. Convincing him that quinoa is mac and cheese. FAIL. I think my only contribution to his diet is sometimes he will eat carrots in my pot roast. Tonight I made an Amish whole chicken and mashed potatoes *all organic*. The chicken was good I wasn't sold. I think I am still suffering from the memories of Thanksgiving 2012. I got so sick that night and am never going to look at Thanksgiving the same again. Back to the chicken, John devoured it and my potatoes. I succeeded! I am such a good cook. I cut up fresh rosemary, thyme, garlic, and chives and put it in the chicken hole and some of the same herbs on top with some EVOO. I didn't know what the heck I was doing but it was tasty. Wish I could have gotten past my emotions. I also had brussel sprouts to add my green. I guess there is no resolving this situation. We will make two seperate meals or one meal with some major variations. I won't ever make a giant veggie lasagna and I beg people to let me cook eggplant parm for them so I can eat a peice, this is life. The give and take of marriage I suppose. I guess women do marry men like their fathers. I am getting good at making giant portions of meat though. here is the chicken

with fresh herbs... MMMMMMMMMM.

SO picky husband beware. You will break.

-18

I have lost 18 pounds to date in my journey to get at a healthy weight for having a child. I spent a good portion of my weekend researching the next step. As mentioned previously, my next check up with my doctor (well the NP) is in october. I know my goal weight by then and I would also like to be ready to start trying again by august or september. I think I am going to set up a plan for continuing the tests that Dr. G suggested at our intial visit. I have been avoiding some of these tests because they can be painful and insurance will not always cover them. Since I did not have luck on four cycles of clomid.. It is time to keep going and find out WHY. John is also going to have to undergo some testing so if his test show no concern on his end, it will be time to continue. All I will do until October is keep losing this weight. See where I am and then discuss options. I also try to stay positive and still say WHEN and not IF. I like looking at paint colors and names and I enjoy watching documentaries about natural child birth. I try to not get to obsessed but I have been bordering that line a lot lately. We will just see over the next few months.

kitchen staples

So friends have asked me to start posting reciepes. Well before I do that I am going to post some staples that help me get through day to day. I posted a link previously to Mama Natural's video she said change your fat... and listed a few fats. One was butter, preferably from a farm with no horemones, preservatives, addatives etc. Currently I use Oberweiss. She also mentioned coconut oil. I tried it first on bread baking(coating the pans) then i started adding it to food. I am a believer and it doesn't taste coconutty if you get the right kinds.

We recently started with oberwiess milk delievery. Nothing is going to make me feel more like Donna Reed than having a milk man. So what if my milk man comes so early I will never meet him. I know he is bringing me a milk free of horemones and preservatives. And I imagine he is wearing an all white ensemble and a cute hat. I also might not be wearing a cute frock and usually run out to the porch in my underpants and wet hair hoping my nosey neighbor isn't catching a glimpse. But it is my slice of the past and the milk is damn tasty.

While discussing milk I might add another staple in the fridge is almond milk. We mix it up with the almond milk. Sometimes we have three cartons in the fridge at once. Tonight I made omelets with unsweetened (35 calories per serving) and John prefers vanilla or chocolate. Mostly this is the liquid base of the smoothies. I'll add a couple new smoothie reciepes on sometime.

Speaking of smoothies I went into detail the benefits of kale in a previous post I also add kale as a filler to other meals. Stir fry, omelets, soups. I have this rule that every big meal has to to have a large serving of greens. Kale or Spinach mostly.

I often add kale or spinach to my newest obsession quinoa. This grain is filling and soooo much better for you then rice or pasta. I am still experimenting but here is some benefits. ■Complete protein. Quinoa contains all 9 essential amino acids that are required by the body as building blocks for muscles. ■Magnesium helps relax your muscles and blood vessels and effects blood pressure. Quinoa contains high levels of this vital nutrient. ■Fiber. Quinoa is a wonderful way to ensure that you consume valuable fiber that eases elimination and tones your colon. ■Manganese and copper. Quinoa is a good source of these minerals that act as antioxidants in your body to get rid of dangerous cancer and disease-causing substances. Right now I just cook it per the directions and add spices and the kale or spinach or instead of rice use it for my thai/stirfry dishes. I am also a fan of brown rice pasta. The benefits are not as great but it taste a heck of a lot better than whole wheat pasta and is better for you.

My quick go to dinner when John wants to eat something gross like buffalo chicken legs is throwing a chicken sausage on the grill. These are increasing in popularity and many brands are available. My favorite brands are al fresca, aidells, and meijer even has a line of them. Just make sure it is all natural and always check the ingredients. My favorite flavor are sundried tomato, spinach and mozerella, and the very best is aidells bacon pineapple. I will eat them like a hot dog (unbunned) or chop them up and sautee' with veggies. These can get pricey but at meijer there is usually a brand on sale.

BACON. John Sivak is bacon's #1 fan and in an attempt to eat out less and not buy gross lunch meat I have found a place in our home for it. John uses it for homemade pizza instead of pepperoni and we found a brand that is not full of nitrates. Nitrates are not good in pregnancy and are said to be cancer causing. Nitrates aren't completly bad. Nitrates are most abundant in vegetables but paired with vitamin c they are a-okay. But eat too much cold cuts/hot dogs/bacon you are in big trouble. We found a nitrate free natural brand of bacon. We usually have a bacon meal a week or add it sparingly to salads. DO NOT BUY THIS BRAND AT COUNTY MARKET it is over 6.00. Meijer has this brand for less than 4.00 which is pretty typical for any bacon. DO NOT eat turkey bacon it is worse for you than regular bacon.. more processed and more sodium.

This is not a big suprise but Greek Yogurt is amazing. 36% of your protein with only 120 calories? SOLD. I like to make dips (with fresh herbs like dill and cucumber dip) with it and this can be spread on a sandwich. You can do lots more than make smoothies or parfaits. Greek Yogurt is amazing. Gyros, Uncle Jesse, and now healthy yogurt.. them greeks are pretty amazing.