a very sivak fall

We are always so busy in the fall. We have lots of birthdays to celebrate and weddings to attend, basically lots of fall events to get ready for. Not to mention we throw a big to do for Johnnypants every year for his birthday as well. Every October we also finding ourselves packing...again. The past 2 years we have been moving into a new apartment or rental home. This occurs around my favorite time of year, Rocky Horror! This year we are not moving! AMEN! We are also not both involved in Rocky (just John playing Eddie and Dr.Scott). So as busy as fall is, this fall is pretty tame for me. But depending on the next several weeks that could all change.

I followed up with my doctor this week to get some tests underway to begin finding out WHY we are having trouble concieving. First test, Sonogram. While not painful only slightly akward and uncomfortable, I brought most of this on myself. I like to look up everything online. Sadly I stumbled upon an article about how a woman had this horrible experience with the internal sonogram. She went as far as stated she felt raped. I wasn't even able to answer the nurses questions I was so nervous. I kept saying weird things and was shaking I was so scared. Since I keep most of these experiences private, I did not feel the need to ask anyone how this would go. It was FINE. Unless you are socially akward like me, this is nothing.

After I completed this and my doctor reviewed he had no concerns really about what to do. He gave me a list of options. 1. Get a Tubular Xray (which does hurt by the way) 2. He would refer me to and Reproductive Endocrinologist 3. Wait Not huge decisions.. but decisions non the less. First I was all for 1. I would probably have to do this anyway might as well bite the bullet. Then after talking to some folks I went with number 3. Wait, lose more weight and keep trying without any help.

The next day at work I decided to check my chart (a benefit of working in healthcare is I can read all my medical records when I get a spare minute on the job) And I found some stuff on there that I was not informed about in our appointment. I apparently have several small cysts that are unremarkable but could be an indication of possible PCOS. HOLLA WHAT? Let the tears at my desk begin. Although PCOS is common and clearly by my sonogram if I do have it, it is not severe. I began to cry at my desk. PCOS does not = infertility. So I was encouraged to call my doctor's office and ask what this was all about.

Working for a medical office I hated it when people would call saying "I can read my chart and....." but I was about to be one of those people. But I waited. Printed off this note and reread it over and over again. Then today I was more level headed and ready to just ask. Unremarkable means nothing to be concerned about right now. So I decided while on the phone we were going to go with step 2. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know clomid is no longer an option. Dr. G can't do much more for me. I am ready to move on. I want to know if nothing else WHY?

So here goes nothing. It is serious. I have had 3 weeks of successfull dieting, and even though Fall is full of great beer and lots of celebrating.. good bye alcohol in ALL circumstances and I did something I never could do in the past I gave up caffiene. I drink herbal tea every morning. My YMCA membership card is in my purse. My matching bathing suit has been purchased. John, a reproductive endocrinologist,a and I are going to make a baby.